Emily has actually been doing better (finally) with the sleep training. After months of sleeping with her in a recliner, I may possibly be able to sleep in a bed again. My back will be thrilled. I think Mark will be happy, too, though he has gotten used to having a queen bed all to himself.

I’ve been reading a lot about sleep training lately, and thinking about why we’re doing it. Because it’s what you’re supposed to do. Because both grandmothers said we need to get her to sleep in her crib. Because co-sleeping is “bad”. Because the pediatrician said if we co-sleep past 6 months, we’ll be co-sleeping until kindergarten.

Did you notice none of those reasons were based on what I think? Sometime over the last week, I realized I was the problem, and the separation anxiety wasn’t on Emily’s part. As much as I want her to be able to put herself back to sleep when she wakes up (something we all do without even remembering it), I’m not ready for her to sleep alone. I like the fact that she needs me.

After 10 days of sleep training, I’m more sleep deprived than I’ve been since the first few weeks home from the hospital. I’m emotional, and irritable, and the crazy weather in Chicago has my sinuses acting up, which just makes everything worse. My almost 5 month old baby is sleeping peacefully in her crib, and yet, I’m miserable. I hate it. I know she’s going to grow up too fast. I realize that working full time means I get an hour with her awake in the morning and an hour at night, and that’s at best. Her morning wake up smiles and stories are the best part of my day. Is it any wonder I want her sleeping next to me at night?

So, yes, Emily won. And I’m okay with that.